To the Unnamed Soldier

Go die for me. Go die for me to put me at ease. If you don’t die, consider yourself dead. It’s the only way to cope with my goal. When you return, if you return, don’t expect a grand welcome. You did your job, my job. Be thankful that we gave you that. Now be … Continue reading

Stadium Snackadium and the Future of the National Foodball League

Yes it’s that time of year again. The incessant squabbling, the unprecendented media coverage of everything but nothing at the same time, the frustration of two sides unable to reach a mutually beneficially solution boiling over to the American people like an unstoppable volcano heading for a petting zoo filled with llama-riding babies. So much … Continue reading

A Letter to Colbert: the Best Prop Ever, Seriously. No, Seriously.

Dear Stephen, I have noticed that your Peabody and one of your Emmys sit alone on a mantel on the set in which you allow members of the general public to reflect upon your greatness, comforted only by a fake fire, an empty red drape, an hourglass showing that Herman Cain’s time has ran out, and what … Continue reading