6 Dogs and a Tempur-Pedic

PetsMart with the dogs. Pepper is hiding.

“Six dogs?!?!?” That’s the reaction I usually get when I tell people. “You really live with six dogs?!?!?” It may sound like too many, but it’s not. They are all small, loving and happy creatures with individual personalities that mesh to form a six pack of fun and entertainment. Besides their entertainment value they also provide and excellent ice-breaker with the ladies and would provide an excellent closer (ie- “want to see them?”) except for the fact that I live with my uncle… and they are his dogs. Personally I am not a dog person. Dogs are needy and require feeding everyday. Cats don’t mind if you disappear for 6 days as long as they have plenty of food and litterbox space. They may pee on your bed as revenge, but at least you don’t have to worry about them dying. That being said, I LOVE these dogs and I know you will too.

Awwww look at that face

Unfortunately when she snores the worst when she's upside down

Maddie- “Princess Attention Whore”. Brussels Griffin (we think). Found half-shaved on a bike path in long beach, Maddie was named after how “matted” her fur was before she was fixed up. Coined “dog putty” due to laissez fare mentaility, Maddie could care less about what you do to her as long as she gets her pets. She does a funny oinking noise when excited and snores loud enough to wake the sleepiest sloth. Maddie has often been called, “the sweetest dog ever” by adoring fans. Due to her necessity for attention, Maddie ended up with entitlement issues, so much so she growls at the other dogs when they get more attention. Peanut has none of this and often puts Maddie in her place with a fierce fight that always ends in Maddie being pinned.

Planning how to steal my socks when I'm not looking

Bandit- “The Knucklehead”. Border Terrier. The most recent addition to the pack comes from the shelter where he was literally about to be put down. Bandit is young, playful and fast and earned his name by the stealthiness in which he steals things. It’s always a random surprise to find a sock in the kitchen, a sandal outside, or a palm frond on the couch. Afraid of men, bats playfully and likes to gnaw on fingers. Bandit’s favorite game is “UFC cage match” that he plays with Maddie around dusk and before meals. Bandit is also an avid reader. It is not uncommon to return home from a dinner to find multiple books sprawled out on the couch. His book reviews are succinct and often scathing. Those with no plot, character development or meaning often end up shredded. “Great Expectations” had no chance.

Trying to exit my room via the wall

Igor- “The Sausage”. Breed unknown. Igor is another dog saved from the shelter right before he was going to be euthanized. Almost completely blind, Igor “bonks” into things when he is unfamiliar with his surroundings, or just gets too excited. Weighing in at over 30 pounds upon rescue, Igor still loves a good meal and lets you know it. Igor accompanies the dogs’ food preparation with an uninterrupted stream of whines that sometimes resemble what I believe to be the perfect impersonation of a velociraptor. While the bowls are in transit to the dogs’ respective eating locations Igor actually gets airborn with excitement, which is saying a lot for a big blind dog. Despite being visually impaired, Igor loves walks and works his nose like a runway model in order to sniff out the neighborhood. Like Peanut, Igor loves to spend sunny days soaking in the rays. Unfortunately, he does not have the athleticism to make it up on the swinging porch so he has to settle for the concrete. We call it “smoking the sausage”.

With the wise-man's beard

Buster- “Top Dawg”. Schnauzer. The OG. King of the house, Buster takes it upon himself to make the rounds each night to ensure the safety of the property with Bandit on his heels the whole way. Buster likes to play fight with Bandit and Maddie even though he can’t quite keep up with their youthful intensity. When we return home he always has a toy in his mouth while running around excitedly. His favorite is his stuffed hippo.

The nut staring down Maddie who's off-screen stage left

Burrowed under the blanket to stay warm. Prime Peanut bombing position.

Peanut – “The Queen”. Chiuaua mix. One of the original two dogs, Peanut’s love of belly scratches is only topped by her love of burrowing under blankets to stay warm. As a result of the latter, Peanut is often mistaken by bandit as an invisible blanket monster. In contrast to her loving demeanor, Peanut has an unfortunate case of dog farts. Her gas is so bad that we coined the term “peanut-bombed” as a result (usage- “oh dammit I just got Peanut-bombed!”). Peanut spends the majority of sunny days soaking in the rays on the porch swing in the backyard. We call it “roasting the peanut”.

Doing her Gargoyle thang

Pepper- “The Gargoyle”. Schnauzer. Formerly a dog mill mother, Pepper has lost all trust in humans. Much like deer in the headlights, Pepper’s anxiety causes her to freeze when scared (hence “the Gargoyle”). Pepper won’t let anyone walk her on her leash and must be force-fed treats. She also cannot eat her food if anyone is watching. Despite all of this, Pepper is turning back into a dog more and more everyday and even plays ultimate cage match with Bandit and Maddie from time to time.

13 Responses to “6 Dogs and a Tempur-Pedic”
  1. Bambii says:

    AWWW!!!! You’re making me homesick… I really miss the six pack… (and you guys too, of course). You did a great job capturing their personalities in your pictures and summaries. Nicely done!

  2. Moe says:

    Great descriptions of the six pack. Bode calls Igor “the chubby one”. Cute pics too!

  3. Grey Goose, Dirty says:

    Great post Kluck.

    You had me at ‘six pack’ of dogs; lost me briefly with your lame (and apparently embellished) claim to not like dogs (cat people are just weird, ya’ know – they are like chick repellant – just FYI) and then got me back again with the pics and great descriptions.

    The dogs are adorable and I’m betting that if and when you ever move out of your Uncle’s house (and discover I was right about the whole cat thing), you’ll get one of your very own!

    (aside from being a snarky bitch, I also do animal rescue) 😉

  4. tsonoda148 says:

    Awwwwww I love them all! What a precious little doggie family. Maddie and Buster stole my heart. Sooo cute!

  5. tsonoda148 says:

    Hi Kluck, again. I want to follow you on Twitter (you lucky guy, LOL), so what’s your “handle”? Gawd, I’m old…..I mean, what’s your Twitter ID? Mine is Tsonoda. Original, huh?

  6. Carmen says:

    If it makes you feel better, my puppy cannot stop chewing on my hair and conquering my stomach.

  7. Bronan! says:

    Your comment made me think of the Simpsons episode when they got Santa’s Little Helper. “This is the kind of dog you have to feed every day.”

    • kluckmeister says:

      @Bambii- They miss you too. Time for another visit?

      @Moe- I remember. So cute. He was just as entertaining as they are, if not more.

      @Goose- I’m not sure about the whole getting a dog once I’m on my own thing. I’m planning on saving that move until I end up with a chick that desperately wants babies. She’ll deal with a puppy first.

      @Terri- What is this twitter you speak of? Back in my day we ran all the way over to the neighbor’s house to insert our business into other people’s lives. It may be time to give in to technology.

      @Carmen- It does make me feel better. I don’t deal well with hair chewing. It end up with me trying to chew their fur to make a point. Not a pretty sight.

      @Bronan- You have some great quotes from great shows. That line explains my reasoning perfectly. This is one of those ones you have to FEED? Not doing that…

      Thanks all for reading!

      • tsonoda148 says:

        TWITTER. It’s good. YOU should get some. BTW, I paid you special tribute on my blog today. You should meander on over (at your leisure of course) and admire my work.

        And then I would like your TWITTER ID please. How can i plug your genius if you won’t keep up with the social media. Geez, kids these days!

  8. Bronan! says:

    Thanks dude. I’ve wasted many an hour studying The Simpsons, Futurama, South Park, etc. Current favorite is Archer.

  9. Ally says:

    I’m here from Terri’s recommendation. Oh, I love these doggie descriptions! What a sweet bunch, despite your claims not to be a dog person! 😉

  10. At least you’re not a cat lady. I have one dog and that’s all I can handle.

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