It’s Official: Gay men say I’m a legal version of Justin Bieber

It started innocently enough, a few guys joking around while buying $3 beers at a bar during the first intermission of a hockey game, but it’s not the beginning of things that matter, it’s the end. How did this particular adventure end you ask? Let’s just say, much differently than I expected.

I thought the best story from my trip to Atlanta would be the one about how I ran into Paris Hilton and the Wu-Tang Clan. Fortunately for you, my dear reader, I was wrong. In lieu of an awkward training dinner my two workmates and I decided to head straight from work to the Atlanta Thrashers game. This had been planned well in advance but as we all know, plans are made for life to shit on. The rain delayed our departure as we were forced to wait for a cab and then forced walk in the rain as the cab took too long. By the time we got to the CNN World HQ we had but 30 minutes to find, buy, and drink the storied six dollar 32 ounce Sweetwater Brewery beers all while jokingly exploring the Army Hummer and stairway to the World that inhabit the ridiculously large foyer of the building that encompasses CNN.

CNN thinks it controls the World

By the time we finished I was thoroughly impressed with the sights and more than slightly buzzed from the beer which is coincidentally the perfect way to begin watching a hockey game. Though we arrived late there wasn’t much of a line because apparently Hockey isn’t that big in the south. Who knew? The seats were a steal at $22 and we quickly found out that the beers were equally well priced. The Thrashers, in an appeal to the college aged slash college minded fans, decided that Thursday home games should be henceforth known as “Thirsty Thursdays” (doesn’t that term take you back?) and should be celebrated with $3 beers. We didn’t complain, we just partook.

It was at the second level bar during the first intermission that this story really began. We split up in order to minimize waitress waiting time and therefore achieve maximum beer buying efficiency. My work buddy Bryan is able to stand out in the crowd with his quick wit, fiery hair, and epic (but clean) beard so naturally the waitress floated over to him within a minute. The patrons to Bryan’s immediate right were dismayed as they had been waiting longer than him but the situation was immediately diffused with jokes about how it must be because they were wearing Carolina Hurricanes (the opposing team) jerseys. We further diffused the situation by telling them we’d root for Carolina since we didn’t care who won we were just there for the hockey. With the situation resolved, we left with the bar a beer in each hand and renewed sense of excitement (aka buzz) for the 2nd period.

Thrashers score! Flame on!

During the second intermission we grabbed some quesadillas and ran into the same fans again. We were headed opposite ways so a quick wave sufficed. On a bathroom break we ran into the ‘Canes fans AGAIN but thought nothing of it, in fact I mostly forgot about them by the time the game was over. Hoever, after an epic game involving a 2 goal comeback shootout win for the ‘Canes (and about 18 beers split between the three of us) we were jubilantly walking back towards the CNN HQ to get a 32 ounce nightcap when, sure enough, the ‘Canes fans reappeared for the whateverteenth time. Again, I thought nothing of it and after a quick chat we ventured to get our beers. After sitting down we realized the Canes fans were getting beers as well and thinking nothing of it we invited them to sit with us but they declined. Mind you, none of this seemed weird to me, it was a small arena that you can’t walk all the way around due to a large wall of luxury boxes and there were less than five thousand total fans in attendance (I know this because they are doing a ridiculous publicity stunt involving their mascot “Thrash” going to jail). It wasn’t until one of them approached us that my entire perspective of the night changed.

One question was all it took. “Hey guys… are you gay?” I froze halfway through my sip of beer and went wide-eyed with shock. I stole a glance at my buddies to find them doing their best impressions of deer in the headlights on a dark Georgia freeway. I was the first to recover and said the only thing I could think at the time, “uhhhh no we’re straight.” He shrugged in disappointment and said, “oh, because we’re all gay” and then walked away. I stopped to look back at how he might have got the idea that we were gay and realized that it actually made a lot of sense. We hadn’t changed after work so we were all well dressed, we were travelling in a group of three, we told them we’d root for their team, and we had initiated most of the contact with them including the jokes and inviting them to sit with us at the table. I felt stupid for acting so shocked as the one that asked now appeared to me as obviously gay but I had just missed it. Luckily for us they decided to belatedly accept our invitation to join us at our table and what ensued was an hour of one of the funniest conversations I’ve had in a long time including references to me as an 18 yr old version of Justin Bieber and constant affirmations of Bryan as the “manly man” of our trio.

I guess I can see it

It turned out that they were really fun guys and the conversation flowed much more easily now that everyone knew each others’ orientation. We actually had such a good time talking to them that by the time we finished our beers there was NOBODY left in the CNN World HQ building. As if the night wasn’t hilarious enough, as we were departing the obviously gay guy dropped a one-line bomb that ranks with the best of David Caruso (CSI Miami’s Horatio Caine). After shaking hands and saying goodbyes this guy turned to Bryan and, with a tiny hint of sarcasm said, “If I were gay I would totally do you” then walked away into the Atlanta sunset.

16 Responses to “It’s Official: Gay men say I’m a legal version of Justin Bieber”
  1. Carmen says:

    I am truly sorry but I would´t take as a compliment to be compared to Justin Bieber, I´ll just probably kill myself.

  2. Grey Goose, Dirty says:

    Sounds like a great night and hey Kluck, it never hurts to leave your options open 😉 (no pun intended)

  3. tsonoda148 says:

    LOVE this post. Not fond of Justin Bieber but I’m sure that’s not a problem for him….or you. LOL How about posting a picture of your whole face up here, young Kluck? I’d like to know who I’m blogging with, for cryin’ out loud.
    I love the way you describe your adventures. Makes me feel like I’m right there. (only I don’t much like hockey, but still…..)

    Good post!

  4. Moe says:

    Haha Yet another funny blog post. Not sure I see the Beiber resemblance, but whatever floats that dudes boat. Can’t believe how cheap the game was.
    Women are a lot of drama. At least you have a fall back (no pun intended)

  5. Bronan! says:

    Gay guys say you look like Justin Bieber -> Justin Bieber looks like Ellen Degeneres -> Ellen Degeneres is gay = The circle is complete.

  6. sly fox says:

    hahaha amazing! you guys just have the same hair — definitely different faces. you’re hilarious, keep up the good work!

  7. I guess you *do* kind of have Bieberish hair, though I never made the connection before! Bieber fever!!!

  8. Lisa says:


  9. tsonoda148 says:

    Hey, came over looking for a new post. Any time now, Kluck. Missing your antics.


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  1. […] and the Wu Tang Clan. I also thought this story was going to be the best until I was likened to a legal version of Justin Bieber by gay guys at a Thrashers hockey game. Still, seeing as how the point of this blog is regaling all of you with my adventures, I feel that […]

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